Fear

How often do we as a people talk about fear? As a boy I feared my mother leaving me, then I heard a client tell me their mother was killed when they were three years old. That would have devistated me.

Right from the start I feared being left alone, feeling pain, the big dog that barked at me, my father's rage, and when I got older I feared death. Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night panicked about death? I hate that!

When it comes to relationships we fear this and so much more. Intense intimacy can be horrifying! It makes us feel so damn vulnerable. What about being cheating on? This would cement in what a loser we are.

Fearing finances, fearing the holidays, birthdays, doing the right thing. It is a full time job keeping fear bottled up. What's ironic, as a therapist specializing in crisis, I place myself smack dab in the middle of fear constantly. What makes matters worse, our first defense mechanism is anger! Anger goes hand and hand with fear.

Can we win the battle with fear? Our relationships depend on it!

Pleasing Them

I have a friend who had been dating a woman for the past few years. He told me things were going great, then one day his partner said, "I'd love you even more if you cut your hair. Of course he cut his hair and afterwards things got better. Next she asked him to wear button down shirts. Wanting to please, he bought some nice shirts and wore them with pride. Request after request, change after change, then recently she broke up with him because she felt he changed too much!